


Marauders Headcanons

by rather__odd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Headcanon, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rather__odd/pseuds/rather__odd
Summary: My headcanons about each of the marauders era characters.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	1. James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Potter headcanons  
> TW: homophobia mentioned, self hate, mention of abuse,

~ Bullied bullies. We know that he bullied Snape, but we also know that Snape was practicing dark magic and likely tried to use it James. I can’t imagine that James the only target of Snape and his crew, so the whole “he went around hexing everybody” view is likely more “he went around hexing anyone he knew was bullying/ hurt/ causing harm to someone else”. Should he have gone about it a different way? Debatable.

~ Speaking of: hated Snape from the start. James saw Snape on the train and just knew something was off about him. He was proven right when he saw Snape bullying other students about a month into 1st year. He saw how territorial Snape was of Lily, and was genuinely concerned for her. He drew attention to himself when Snape said anything related to werewolves around Remus to be sure no one heard him, which just added fuel to the fire. Once they got older and Snape got into dark magic, James tried one time to talk him out of it. He cornered Snape, and thought maybe if he got Snape to hear him out he could stop him from becoming a death eater. He barely got 2 sentences in before Snape sent a curse at him that put him in the hospital wing over night. He never told anyone who it was or why he was there. After that, he stopped trying to help Snape and just tried to help his victims.

~ He did the same thing with Regulus when it became obvious that that was the path he was heading down. Regulus at least heard him out, but told him he had not choice, and " _Why should I help you anyway? Because of Sirius? Newsflash, Potter, he left me._ " James knew what was happening at home, and while it wasn't nearly as bad for Regulus as it was for Sirius, James didn't want to push too hard and let it go. He regrets that everyday. He never told Sirius.

~ Had the biggest personality glow up. He was definitely the stereotypical jock/ player/ wanna be bad boy in his first few years. He first started to change when he found out about Remus. James and Sirius were both raised in pureblood households, and while I don’t think the Potters taught James to hate werewolves, the conversation must have happened at some point about them being dangerous and etc. It took a while for James and Sirius to tell Remus they knew because they were pretty mad. Once they calmed down and realized “Hey uhh Remus is actually a really good person” is when James started to see the world different. _“The world isn’t split up into good people and death eaters”_ (personally I have a head canon that James said that to Sirius then Sirius to Harry but that’s a different story). The next step was Sirius. Once James knew the extent of the abuse Sirius was going through, he really stepped up into his surrogate big brother role. This also probably sparked the “I’m gonna hex anyone that picks on someone else” because a) he was angry at Sirius’s family and didn’t know how else to express it and b) he felt the need to protect others where he feels that he failed at protecting Sirius. People say he matured to get Lily to like him, but I really believe it was the other way around. Lily saw that James grew up, when other people (cough Snape cough) didn’t, and that he really was just trying to protect others.

~ Following with that: completely supportive of Sirius and Remus’s relationship… eventually. At first he definitely was a bit homophobic. This was the 70s, and James was very straight. Might be stereotyping, but hear me out. Sirius and Remus didn’t come out to James for a while because they knew he made homophobic jokes. But they also knew James, and knew they really were just jokes that he thought were okay. James found out about them on accident. He walked in on them kissing, and freaked. He was asking why they would chose to do this instead of being with girls, and how he never saw them that way. At first he was a bit… not grossed out, but he never knew anyone in a gay relationship before. His next, most prominent thought was “why didn’t they tell me?” And that’s when he realized: the jokes, the looks, and his reaction when he did find out was proof enough for him of why they kept it from him. He sat them down after he calmed down for a few days to talk. He apologized again and again even though they accepted it on the first one. James beat himself up for weeks after that. He tried to talk to Sirius alone about his sexuality, but Sirius is stubborn and though he forgave him quickly he wasn’t going to talk to him about this. Luckily, Remus isn’t so stubborn, and also was easier to forgive James. (Him freaking out and ignoring them for a few days definitely hurt Sirius, and though that upset Remus, he’s used to hatred and bigotry more, so he could see that James was just shocked and confused, not hateful). Remus explains bisexuality and being gay and how he and Sirius’s relationship isn’t any different than a straight one. That it’s not a choice and it doesn’t change anything about them. James considers this for a day or so, then sits Sirius and Remus down again and is like _“Right. I get it now. I'm gonna apologize again, but now I know why what I did is wrong”_ and things like that. He makes sure Sirius specifically knows that he fully supports them, and that he’s still his “little” brother (Sirius is older, but who cares). Then he turns to Remus, and says _“If you break his heart, I swear to Merlin I hex you into next year.”_ (Ironically, Remus is very happy to hear this). After this, everything goes back to normal (with the exception of Sirius and Remus being a bit more open about their relationship around James. I’ll cover Peter another time). The only difference is that James started to be more aggressive towards homophobes. He saw how he hurt Sirius, and he didn't want anyone else to hurt him or anyone else that way. He will respect your pronouns and defend your sexuality, even if he doesn't understand it right away.

~ James Potter was very insecure. We have heard that he is confident, arrogant, and cocky, but all of this was a cover. He is insecure about his looks, his talents, himself as a person (see how he beat himself up after the wolfstar incident). He doesn't want people to know how insecure he is, so he overcompensates to the point that no one would know he’s insecure, even though a lot of people don’t like him now. (That definitely doesn’t help his self image.) I cannot stress this enough: James Potter hated himself. When Lily finally starts spending time with him (as friends), she picks up on how nervous he can be and how insecure he is. (She figures out that he messes with his hair so much cause she had teased him ONCE about it, so she makes sure to compliment it as much as she can, even though his hair is ridiculous). She gently calls him out on it, and he denies it at first, but slowly his walls start to come down around her. That’s when Lily falls for him. Once he stops trying to look confident and arrogant, Lily sees the kind and protective boy he is. When they start dating, she reminds him all the time that yes, she wants to be with him and yes, she still loves him and yes, he's a good person. She starts to notice the signs to look for to give him reassurance, something even Sirius never figured out.

~ His love language was touch and caring for others. Boy was a hugger lemme tell you. Sirius nearly had a panic attack after James hugged him the first time (like 2 days after meeting him). James noticed and being an 11 year old was like “Oh I’ll just hug him all the time then he’ll be okay!!” (Don't try this at home kids.) Luckily for him it worked. On the platform going to second year Sirius surprised James by nearly tackling him in a hug. Next target: Remus. (See my headcanons on Remus’s home life, but) boy rarely had any physical affection in his life. James notices around the start of second year, but the “hug it out of him” technique doesn't work cause Remus just starts to keep physical distance between them (See why in Remus’s headcanons). So he starts slow: brushing hands, shoulder taps, arm around the shoulder and even a real hug, up and up until one day, Remus comes up to him and just kinda falls into him (James’s second thought after _“Oh no what's wrong”_ was “ _Success!!_ "). Now all of them are touchy (Peter too). It's not unusual to find all four squished up in one bed (two pushed together as they got older) after a full moon or when someone said something mean to Sirius or Peter.

~ James was the ultimate mom friend. Remus was NOT the Marauders mom okay James was. He kept Sirius’s temper in check, kept Peter on top of his school work and helped him when he struggled, forced Remus to “rest god damn it you just dislocated a shoulder”. He likes to take care of others and now he's got his little group (they take care of him too of course, but James was definitely the mom). He was very much a “Do as I say not as I do” as he was always hyping up his friends and making them feel good about themselves.

~ James and Sirius were the ones to find the Honeydukes tunnel, and would sneak in after every full moon to take chocolates for Remus. BUT James always made sure to leave money on the counter, sometimes more than necessary if they took a lot. The Honeydukes owners figured it out (I like to think they figured Remus out too, because they all had to know that there was a werewolf at the school because they could hear the shack every month) and were like _“Well they always leave money and its for Remus so.._.” and just let them be.

~ James LOVED muggle things. In first year Lily thought it was a hateful thing that he was always asking about muggle things to muggleborn students but he just wants to know everything. Like a diet Arthur Weasley. When he met Lily’s parents he was freaking out ( _“Sirius what do I wear I can’t wear my dress robes so what’s nice for muggles?”_ They go shopping and…) Lily goes to pick him up and boy is in a freaking tux. _“It's just dinner James!” “This is what the muggles wear in the magazines!”_ She has to get him to change into just a nice shirt and pants. The Evans’ absolutely adored James. He was fascinated by literally everything in their house and them as people. Plus, this is Lily’s family, so he’s like _“They have to like me okay what do muggles talk about”_ and it’s adorable. Lily is just gushing to the girls about it after. (Wait until they show him a pen… or a PHONE.)

~ When Voldemort came, James knew he wouldn't make it out. He wanted to give Lily and Harry a chance. We know he didn't have a wand, but he didn't go down without a fight. He got in one good punch before the curse hit. His last thought was “ _Merlin don't let Harry be like me._ ”

~ Was a chaser, but became a seeker in his final few years.

~ A picky eater. Drives lily nuts

~ Wasn’t white. Either Indian or Black.

~ Toxic masculinity? We don’t know her. As said, he’s a hugger and cuddler. Kissing the homies on the cheek is expected. Tells his friends he loves them more than is socially acceptable but he doesn’t care: they deserve to know. (James potter in a crop top!!)

~ Wanted to be an auror until Harry was born. He quit auror training and was planning on being a stay at home inventor after the war.

**Relationships:**

~ On Remus: he frustrated James so much their first year, because Remus wanted nothing to do with them (see Remus headcanons). Sirius is like “ _Why do you care so much_ ” and James is like “ _Cause he’s my friend I gotta be his too_ ”. That’s how determined he was. He was fiercely protective of him. This is actually kind of canon to be fair. We know that Snape was after Remus, and it's safe to assume that James was around some of the times Snape harassed him. (See point one). When the D.A.D.A. professor starts talking crap during lessons about werewolves, James is the first to call him out (Sirius on his tail). He always visits him in the hospital wing after a moon and covers for him when people ask where he is or why he’s hurt (“ _fight with the giant squid_ ” “ _spited Merlin himself_ ” “ _What do you mean? He’s right there *points at Sirius*_ ”). He really loves Remus and makes sure to tell him.

~ On Peter: Something the fandom dismisses a lot is that James trusted Peter not just with his life, but with the life of his wife and child. You don’t trust someone like that unless you love them. We hear from Mcgonagall that Peter was following James and Sirius around but that wasn’t quite true. Peter went along with what he other boys wanted, but James always made sure he felt heard and had a say. Think about it: Peter had enough self confidence to seek out or at least say yes to the death eaters, he could have said something to the boys or left them if he was really being left out. I’m not sure where the fandom came up with Peter being unintelligent, or if it was canon. For me: Peter was very smart, he just didn’t know how to study/ use it. James showed him that. Even if he didn’t teach him how to study, he helped him with his homework and encouraged him to keep trying.

~ On Sirius: James loved Sirius so much. He really did see him as his brother. He introduced him as “my little brother” (“ _I’m literally older than you James!_ ”) and once when Sirius complained to him that he wishes he wasn’t a Black James is like “ _What? But you’re a Potter_ ” because he GENUINELY FORGOT that he wasn’t. When Sirius moved in he had the room across from James, but after about a week James woke up to get a drink and heard something from Sirius’s room and saw him having a nightmare. After James work him up Sirius confessed that he was having them every night. Flash forward to later that day Sirius comes upstairs after working in the garden with Euphemia and is like “ _James?? Where is my bed??_ ” And James is like “ _In our room??_ ”. James had Fleamont move Sirius’s bed into his room and just refused to acknowledge that it wasn’t there before because he knows Sirius will feel bad about it. As soon as he heard Lily was pregnant he went straight to Sirius. It was a very easy decision to make Sirius godfather. James knew that he was responsible (despite what others may have thought), and was capable of looking after Harry. And made sure to remind Sirius of this several times. Sirius was his best man at his wedding, and knew he would be Sirius’s one day too.

~ On Lily: he loved this girl so much. He didn’t really started crushing on her until around 4th or 5th year, but wanted to be her friend since 1st. Secretly writes poetry about her. (Sirius found his journal one time and teased him about it in private but didn’t tell anyone.) After the mudblood incident he tried to talk to her but she didn’t want to see him, so he kept asking Marlene and Dorcas and Mary if she was okay and if he could do anything and to let her know he’s thinking about her, but gives her space. She really respects him for that. Once they started dating he got a locket with her picture and wore it all the time. He bragged about her to literally everyone. Got her flowers all the time. Sometimes he’d sneak to Hogsmede to get her a bouquet, but it also wasn’t uncommon to see James Potter walking the campus grounds during a free period and picking a bunch of flowers then excitedly running to where Lily’s class was about to get out to give her them because “ _Lily deserves to have flowers all the time_ ”. He was so nervous to propose that he sweat through his shirt. He did it in a park that he knew she liked and the ring was a simple diamond but pink (she loved pink don’t @ me). When she said yes he cried. Like ugly cried. He wanted her to decorate their house because he knew she was better at that but wanted to work together on the nursery. She thought that meant he wanted to do it himself so she tried to stay quiet but he’s like “ _No no Babe I wanna do it_ * _together*_ ”. Speaking of: called her Babe, Sweetie, Love, Darling, Flower, Lils, and Doe. James begged her not to join the Order. He knew she was already in danger because of her blood status, and didn’t want her to put herself in more danger. When she did join, he tried to be on every mission with her to protect her. When he couldn’t go with her he’d pace up and down until she came home and he’d just wrap her up and not let go for a while. When she told him she was pregnant he just about fainted. After telling the boys, he’s like “ _Right let's start planning how long do we have? EIGHT MONTHS?! That’s not enough time!!!_ ” He read every baby book, and went to all the appointments. When Lily went into labor James was so focused on getting all the things they’d need for the hospital he walked out the door without Lily then ran back and was like “ _I'M SORRY WE GOTTA GO MOVE FASTER PLEASE okay I’ll stop yelling i'm sorry I love you_ ”.

~ On Harry: James Potter was OBSESSED with Harry. He called him Bambi because Lily showed him the movie right before he was born. Everywhere he went and everyone he met it was “ _Look at my son!! Isn't he so cute?? Here look at a picture of my baby look how cute he is his name is Harry and wait where are you going-_ “. He didn't sleep for like a week after Harry was born, not because Harry was keeping him up but because he was just sitting by his crib watching him breathe because he was so terrified something would happen to him because “ _Just look at him Lily he's so tiny he can't do *anything* what if something happens to him and he can't tell me so I don't know he's in trouble I gotta protect him_ ”. One time James got hurt on a mission. He recovered fully, but it was a pretty deep wound so there was a moment of genuine fear, and his first thought was Harry. Once he came home from Saint Mungos, he went straight to Harry and picked him up and refused to put him down. He just held him close and cried because “ _I almost never got to see him again_ ”. Lily and Sirius both try to get him to give Harry to them or put him to bed but he refuses. He doesn't put him down for literally 48 hours straight. (Harry doesn't mind: he was such a daddy's boy). The first time Harry got sick he immediately flooed Pomfery like “ _It's an emergency its Harry he keeps coughing whats wrong what do I do??_ ” and she's like “ _Potter it's 2 am how did you even get my floo and why did you call me not a pediatrician_??” and he's like “ _Y_ _ou dealt with a werewolf every month while I was at school you're the only one qualified to look after my son_ ”. He was so panicked that she just sighed and came over.


	2. Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus Lupin Headcanons  
> TW: alcohol, verbal abuse, self hate, mentions of death of parents and friends (not graphic)

~ On childhood (TW: alcohol, verbal abuse)

Remus’s childhood, while not as bad as Sirius’s, wasn’t good. We all know how Lyall felt about werewolves. He didn’t just magically change his views once Remus was bitten. In fact in some ways, it strengthened his views because only a monster could attack a child like that. He spent years pouring every dollar they had into trying to find a cure. After he tried giving Remus an experimental potion and Hope walked in on it, she made him stop. He wasn’t physically abusive, but was an alcoholic and an angry drunk. He and (older) Remus often got into screaming matches while Lyall was drunk, and as a child Lyall would call him horrible names and tell him terrible things while drunk. He felt guilty when he sobered up, but not enough to apologize. Because of this, remus’s relationship with his father broke. As a kid, he looked up to his father and wanted to please him (as most kids do). Once he realized that Lyall was so angry at him because he was a werewolf, he did everything he could to be “human” to win his father over. It wasn’t until remus went to Hogwarts that he realized that he couldn’t change (see hospital wing notes). He stopped trying to win his father over and started trying to stay away from him. Hope was caught in the middle. As a muggle, she didn’t have the same resentment towards remus that Lyall did, and her and remus’s relationship was close. She didn’t know how to make her family whole again. In the early years after remus was bitten, she tried to talk sense into Lyall, but gave up trying after she realized he would never change. When Hope died (before 1981), remus never spoke to his father again. (Note: I know most of this can likely be disproved by canon, but this is how I see it).

~ On the hospital wing:

Remus and Poppy got very close during his 7 years at Hogwarts. Madam Pomfery has a reputation of being strict and no-nonsense, but Remus knew her as Poppy, and someone he could trust. After all, before the Marauders knew, she was the only one to help him with the full moons. When he was in his first year, McGonagall took him to meet Pomfery a few days before the first full moon. After McGonagall left to give them some privacy, Remus got really excited. Pomfery was confused, as he seemed nervous before. McGonagall had said that Pomfery would “take care of him with his lycanthropy”, and Remus interpreted that as “she’ll cure me”. He asked Pomfery “ _When can you make me human?_ ”. It broke Poppy’s heart to have to explain that that isn’t what she’s going to do. She sat him down and explained the shack and everything, but Remus was already on the verge of tears. Finally she just sighed and pulled him close and held him while he cried it out. Eventually he calmed down, and she told him that if he ever needed anything he could come to the wing and take a break with her. After all, she didn’t want him bottling this up, as the kid clearly had issues. She sent him back to the dorm with a bar of chocolate because “ _Chocolate fixes everything, dear_ ”. Remus often went down to the wing to just sit with Poppy and talk, or just watch her work as it was kind of a refuge for him. This is the place that his mind associated with healing and safety. Poppy always told him that he would be an excellent healer after Hogwarts, as he helped he with little tasks (administering potions, wrapping bandages, etc) and enjoyed it a lot. After a while he stopped arguing that’d he’d never be able to keep a job like that because Poppy would just straight up ignore him ( _“Poppy you know no one will hire a werewolf to be their healer” “Hmm did you hear something? Must have been the wind. Anyway once you’re a healer…_ ”). When the Marauders first found out about Remus’s lycanthropy, she was super suspicious of them. Of course she wanted Remus to have friends that he could trust, but *them*? (Its like that scene in Lilo and Stitch at the animal shelter). She banned them from coming to the wing while Remus was recovering until he was mostly better if at all. But one day about 3-4 moons after the boys found out was a really bad one, and Remus was knocked out for 2 days. Poppy went to go check on something for like 5 minutes and she came back to find all the Marauders around Remus (and really how did they move so fast??), and Remus was still knocked out so she was ready to kick them out but she looked closer and saw what they were doing. Peter was sitting at the foot of the bed being very careful not to accidentally bump Remus’s broken ankle, arms full of chocolate; James was leaning on the bed near Remus’s hip with his eyebrows nearly touching, obviously trying to think of a way to fix this (cause James was a fixer); and Sirius was sitting up against the headboard with Remus’s head in his lap, gently running his fingers through his hair and talking to him softly. Poppy just closed the curtains and thought “ _Well… maybe those boys are good for him after all_ ”.

~ On the Marauders:

Remus did NOT want to be friends with the boys first year. His plan was to get through school, keep his head down, and be unnoticed. This plan was ruined when he walked into his dorm on September 1. James and Sirius had already become friends on the train, and Peter had been with them on the way to the dorm. Remus had gone straight the Dumbledore’s office after the sorting to talk about his…problem. He was promptly hit in the face with a pillow after walking in the dorm. After being bombarded with questions and pleas to join the pillow fight, Remus just closed his curtains and went to bed. Peter was quiet and realized that Remus wanted to be left alone. Sirius gave up after about 2 weeks. James was hell and determined to get Remus to like them (him). He just couldn’t understand why Remus didn’t want friends. And that’s what it was. It wasn’t just that Remus wouldn’t be friends with the Marauders, he refused to make any friends. The closest he had that year was Lily because they were study partners and she later informed him that they were friends too, by the way. He thought having friends would draw attention to himself. He had also convinced himself that as soon as anyone found out his secret, they wouldn’t want to be friends with him and, worst case scenario, tell the whole school. He didn’t want to take that chance. He didn’t believe he deserved friends.

One day, right before a full moon and with a splitting headaches, a Slytherin was messing with him all potions class, trying to bother him because it was obvious that he was sick. Eventually Remus just snapped and shoved the guy, not hard but hard enough to send the kids cauldron to the ground. When the teacher turned around and asked who did it, James stood up without hesitation and said he did. Later in the dorm when James got back from detention, Remus asked why he took the blame, James just winked and said “ _That’s what friends are for_ ”. After that, Remus started eating with them and sitting with them in class, but didn’t really talk. But one day James and Sirius were trying to figure out what potion to use in some prank and the one they came up with was, apparently, idiotic because Remus just pops up and goes “ _No, no, you’re doing it wrong! Look, you gotta do …_ ” and after he’s done its really quiet till Sirius goes _“Mate I think that’s the most you’ve ever said to us”_. And they all laugh, and the marauders are born. The marauders became animagi in secret because they knew that Remus wouldn’t approve. And he didn’t. When they told him he was pissed because he didn’t want them to come with him. Eventually he allowed them to stay transformed in the other room warded off so that they could see just how “dangerous” he was, but it just made them more determined instead of scaring them off like Remus wanted.

~ On touch: TW self hate

As stated before, Remus’s dad wasn’t affectionate at all, and his mom wasn’t much better. Don’t get me wrong, Hope loved her son, and she hugged him some, but it just wasn’t enough. After Remus became James’s target for hugs and cuddles, Remus picked up on it really quick. He put physical distance between the two of them whenever he could. He wasn’t used to this kind of affection, and thought that once James knew what he was, he would be disgusted by him. Remus’s body had always been working against him. It was scarred and in pain half the time. His metabolism made him super skinny, and he hated anything bringing his attention to it. He thought that he wasn’t human, and shouldn’t be allowed to have this easy physical love. He just didn’t get why James wanted to hug him so bad. The biggest problem was, he wanted it so much. He didn’t think he deserved it, but he wanted James to hug him like he hugged Sirius and Peter. At first, Remus didn’t even notice James’s subtle increase of touches until one day James slowly pulls him into a hug and he doesn’t pull away. It’s short, but nice. A few days later, Remus was having a really bad day. He was still behind in potions because of the last moon *two weeks ago*, his favorite sweater was missing, and he heard someone laughing at his scars. He walked into the dorm and threw his bag down, and James walked over to ask if he was okay, and Remus walks up to him and just falls into him, grabbing the back of his shirt and holding on. James, after a moment of shock, holds him even tighter. Remus is much more accepting to touches from all the boys after that, but on days like this, James just has that protective kind of hug, and Remus always goes and finds him. There are still days that Remus doesn’t want any hugs or touches. These are usually right before the moon and after hearing/ reading/ seeing anything anti-werewolf. It took James a long time to be able to recognize that touch wouldn’t be good right now, after Sirius brought it up that sometimes people just don’t want to be touched. On these days usually one of the boys will just go sit by him and talk to him to keep his mind off of it, not touching. Remus is really grateful that they don’t fight him on these days. Unlike before the full moon though, afterwards touch makes him feel more human and more alive. Once they start dating Sirius will hold his hand and kiss his forehead and rub his back and all these little things that he knows Remus needs but won’t ask for.

~ On The Prank:

The Prank hit him really hard. (I’m putting most of The Prank in Sirius’s section). That was the one and only time that Remus ever yelled at Sirius. He never even jokingly yelled at him before because he knew that it really upset him, but Remus just lost it. “ _How could you?! Don’t you realize what you’ve done? What you almost made *me* do? Did you think this would be funny? Guess what Sirius, if your plan had worked, I’d be *lucky* to be in Azkaban for life. You wouldn’t just have killed Snape. You almost killed me! And what’s worse is you almost made me into the monster that you always tell me that I’m not. I’m done, Sirius. I don’t want to speak to you again. Leave me alone. We’re done.”_ Remus felt betrayed, and like he couldn’t trust anyone anymore. Remus isolated himself from everyone, and went back to his original plan: keep your head down, get good grades, don’t get attached to anyone. It didn’t work very well. They all knew that Peter and James couldn’t handle Remus during the full moon on their own, and Remus had made it very clear that he didn’t want Sirius around him. At the next full moon, Peter and James were just going to stay until the change and then leave, but Sirius showed up. Remus told him to fuck off, but Sirius was insistent that he stayed. “ _Hate me if you need to. But I’m not letting you get hurt again. I’m staying, and then you can go back to ignoring me.”_ By that point, the change had started, so Remus couldn’t argue. All of Remus’s rage was taken out on himself with the wolf. He woke up two days later in the wing with James next to him holding his hand. On instinct, without being fully awake, Remus asked where Sirius was. James said he was in the next bed. Remus didn’t want to think too hard on why he tried to launch himself out of bed to see if Sirius was okay. James hadn’t taken sides during the fight, but he looked very serious when he said “ _Remus, you don’t have to forgive him. I understand. But he nearly killed himself trying to keep you safe.”_ And Remus didn’t forgive him. He didn’t wasn’t sure if Sirius was actually trying to help him, or just make himself look good. 3 weeks later, Sirius found him crying in an abandoned classroom and they went at it again. Finally, *finally*, Remus just broke down sobbing and asking “ _Why?”_ And Sirius’s reasoning still didn’t justify the act, but it had been nearly 2 months and they were both wasting away. Sirius had really proven that he was sorry and that he would do anything to make it up to Remus. They fell asleep on the floor holding each other, and James found them and made them go back to the dorm. A few days later Remus noticed a scar on Sirius’s side, and interrogated him on it because he wouldn’t explain. Apparently James hadn’t been exaggerating when he said Sirius could have gotten himself killed. Sirius didn’t want to tell him because he didn’t want him to think that he was just trying to force him to forgive him. It took another month before they started dating again, and the trust was still damaged, but no longer broken.

~ Everyone took bets on what Remus would be when he grew up. He refused to tell anyone what he wanted to be because he thought it was pointless: he wouldn’t be able to keep a job anyway. (Regulations weren’t as strong as they were post poa, but remus wasn’t nearly as optimistic as his friends). Lily said healer, James said auror, Peter said magizooligist (“ _what! All the creatures in COMC love him_!”), and Sirius just smirked and told them his Moony was gonna be “ _the best damn professor that Hogwarts had ever seen_ ”. Remus never told him that that was his dream, but he never had to. Sirius knew, and always encouraged him to follow that dream. He was so sure of himself that for graduation, Sirius got Remus a suitcase with “Professor R. J. Lupin” stamped in gold on it. Remus could never bring himself to get rid of it or put it away like all the rest of Sirius’s thing.s (*note: I’ve heard the idea of the Marauders giving him the case before, but I like to think it was just Sirius)

~ Remus was 1” shorter than Sirius (not much, but enough to tease him about).

~ Remus was terrified that he would be put in Slytherin because he was convinced that would mean his dad was right and he’s evil (later learns that not all Slytherins are evil of course).

~ The boy was such a cuddler. Like at least once he just walked into the common room and saw Sirius laid out on the couch and just flops on top of him like “ _Yes this is where I will be for the foreseeable future thank you”_.

~ Had big front teeth.

~ Remus spent hours looking in the mirror at his scars once the other boys started dating until James threatened to ban mirrors in the dorm.

~ He wanted to get a cat for the dorm but Peter was allergic.

~ Remus hated flying, and wouldn’t get on a broom unless he absolutely had to. He’d rather walk everywhere.

~ Giggly when sleep deprived.

~ Swore like a sailer.

~ Remus was on a mission in the packs when James and Lily were killed, and Dumbledore didn't extract him because "Well the information could still be useful." He didn't even know that they were killed until 2 weeks later when he went to head quarters for his report and no one was there. He went to Hogwarts to find Dumbledore and ask what was going on. McGonagall was the one to tell him, as she didn't want him to read it in the papers.

~ Most of the pictures in the photo album that Hagrid gave Harry were from Remus.

**Relationships:**

~ On Snape: TW bullying, harassment, threats

Snape hated Remus from the moment he saw him. No one knows why: maybe it was just because he was friends with James, maybe because he was close with Lily, or maybe he could just tell from the start that there was something different about him. Remus really didn’t notice until the others pointed out Snape staring at him all the time. In 3rd year that Snape started coming up to Remus in the halls and picking on him, just childish stuff at first. Over the years it grew from making fun of his scar, making fun of his friends, and just general teasing to shoving, swearing, and accusing him of hiding something/ being into Lily. This is where James stepped in and defended Remus. Then, it grew into hexes and threats. This is when James and Sirius started to act first to try and deter Snape from saying/ doing anything. Because here’s the thing: Remus can defend himself, but he was so scared of Snape outing him or being kicked out that he just… didn’t. He’d defend himself verbally and with counter curses but never really fought back. This just made Snape keep going and made it get worse and worse. Then The Prank happened. Remus actually went and found Snape to apologize, but Snape cursed the shit out of him and told him to stay away from him and Lily. (See lily head canons for what sparked that). Lily patched him up because he refused to go to the wing, and he and Snape never spoke again until they were both professors.

~ On Sirius:

(I’ll talk more about pre-Marauders in Sirius’s section). Once the Marauders started being friends, Remus noticed that something wasn’t right with Sirius’s family. Maybe because of his own background, or maybe just because he payed attention, he knew when Sirius got a letter or had an interaction with one of his cousins he would be upset and distant. Remus would just leave a piece of chocolate on his bed for him to find later so that Sirius would know that he was there for him. Sirius knew all of Remus’s hiding places for when he got overwhelmed or upset, and would give him a few hours before finally hunting him down and making him come back to the dorm. Sirius would skip classes a lot right before and right after the full moon while Remus was sick/hurt. Remus begged him not to but he couldn’t really fight him on it. Besides, he really did appreciate the company. Both of them were crushing for a long time but were both convinced that the other didn’t want them. Sirius dated a lot, and Remus hardly dated at all. Sirius came out to him first (see Sirius’s section), then Remus came out as Bi to him. It wasn’t long after that that Sirius kissed Remus for the first time in 5th year. They didn’t start dating until the beginning of 6th. Remus liked to hold hands with Sirius, and though he would deny it, he loved when Sirius kissed his nose or forehead. Remus just liked gentle affection like that. He got butterflies every time he saw Sirius in one of his sweaters. When Remus was nervous or upset, he needed to do something with his hands. One time he was sitting against his headboard venting about something and Sirius was laying with his head in his lap and Remus absentmindedly started playing with his hair. He stopped as soon as he realized because he knew his hair was a delicate topic for Sirius but Sirius just went “ _No Moons, don’t apologize. It’s okay, you can keep going. Honestly, I don’t mind.” “You don’t like *anyone* touching your hair, Pads.” “You’re not anyone, love.”_ After that he learned how to braid hair and whenever he was nervous Sirius let him play with his hair and it calmed him down. James joked that it’s because Sirius is a dog in and out of his animagus form. Sirius called Remus lots of pet names, but Remus just called him Sirius, Pads, Padfoot, and sometimes Baby. Remus often felt like Sirius wouldn’t be with him for long and would find someone better because he felt ugly. He never explicitly said this to Sirius, but Sirius could read him well enough to know that that’s what he meant. Sirius would just shake his head, kiss him, and tell him not to be so stupid. Sirius would kiss all of Remus’s scars. The first time he did it Remus told him he didn’t have to, that he knew they were ugly and etc etc. Sirius just shushed him and said “ _You’re beautiful, babe. Not despite your scars, but *with* them.”_ Remus couldn’t afford to get Sirius little gift like Sirius would give him, so he wrote him little notes and doodles and hid them in his books and drawers and places. (“ _Moons, did you put a doodle of us with a bunch of flowers in my astrology book?” “What? No, must have been Peter.” “OI!”)_

During the war, Remus never told Sirius what his missions were. Not only because it was forbidden, but because it could put Sirius in danger if anyone realized he knew. He also thought that Sirius would be disgusted with him for going into the packs. Because of this, they didn’t trust each other. They didn’t live together, because they thought it would be too risky, but saw each other every day the first few years. As the missions got harder and the trust got thinner, they stopped seeing each other as often. Sirius accused Remus of being the spy to his face once, and it absolutely broke Remus. Because how dare he, after everything that Remus has gone through and was going through, how *dare* he accuse Remus of being the spy. In response, Remus accused Sirius of not loving him anymore. Sirius didn’t answer. Remus left Sirius’s flat, and 2 weeks later Sirius was arrested. The first thing that Sirius said to Remus after they had some time alone after poa was “ _Never”_. Remus was confused until he said “ _The last thing you said to me was “When did you stop loving me?” Never. I’ve never stopped loving you.”_ They didn’t get back together after poa, because it was all still too fresh for both of them: Sirius never got to grieve James and Lily, and Remus was having to come to terms with the fact that, in his mind, he failed Sirius for 12 years by letting him sit in Azkaban, plus remind himself every day that Sirius was innocent. When Sirius fell through the veil, the only thing keeping Remus from jumping in after him was Harry. He and Sirius made eye contact right as he started to fall, and he could see the message in his eyes: “ _I love you. Take care of Harry.”_

(I could go on and on about these two honestly).

~ On James:

James mother hen-ed Remus so much. _“Hey are you eating enough?” “Here you need to take some potions” “MOONY GET YOUR ARSE BACK IN BED NOW!”_ On and on and on. Remus acted annoyed but really he didn’t mind having someone looking out for him. James liked to just sit on Remus’s bed while he read and bother him cause he was bored. Again, Remus acted annoyed but he was fine with it. James never hesitated to take the fall for Remus if he missed an assignment. (Remus would usually do his homework for him while he was in detention as a thank you). Remus, however, is a little shit and more than once cursed someone out or made a joke in class then pinned it on James if he was being particularly annoying that day (James always got him back later). Remus can totally stand up for himself, and sometimes get frustrated that James seems to forget that. He knows that James just wants to keep him out of trouble and, mainly, away from the center of attention. He’s protecting him in any way he knows how. Still, remus could kick his ass if he felt like it (he never did though). He knows that James and Sirius go after Snape because of what Snape is saying about/ doing to him, and can’t bring himself to interfere as long as they don’t go too far.

~ On Lily:

Lily and Remus, as mentioned earlier, were originally study partners. Lily decided that they were friends early in first year, but never pressured Remus to do more than study and sit with her in class. When the boys first found out his secret and were avoiding him, Lily noticed Remus eating alone and in the library really late and pieced together that something had happened. She barely left Remus’s side then. She asked Remus once what had happened but he just shook his head so she let it drop. Lily walks into the great hall one morning to see all four boys sitting together again, Peter stealing food off Remus’s plate, Sirius and remus laughing, James ruffling Remus’s hair. Remus and her make eye contact and he mouths “thank you”, and it isn’t spoken of again for many years. The same situation happened after The Prank. Lily already knew about Remus’s lycanthrope at this point. She never told him she knew because she was waiting for him to do it. After the prank Lily saw the group shatter, but Remus had just vanished over the past few days and Potter wouldn’t tell her anything. Finally she found him on her prefect rounds, hidden in an abandoned corridor crying. She sits with him until he clams then they go to an abandoned classroom and ward it off and Remus tries to tell her what happened but he can’t really without revealing his secret and he can’t lose her too, not now, but- “Remus, stop. It’s okay, I know you’re a werewolf, it’s fine. Now tell me what happened.” After making her promise to not murder Sirius, he and Lily spend all their time together but Remus is not himself anymore. Once the boys start talking (See Lily head canons in relation to the prank), he and Lily start referring to each other as brother and sister like James and Sirius.

~ On Peter:

Remus and Peter were never… jealous, of James and Sirius, but they weren’t blind either. They knew that James and Sirius had something separate from them. So when James and Sirius were off doing “brotherly things”, Remus and Peter were studying in the library or playing chess in the common room, or anywhere really. Remus and Peter had that unique kind of friendship where they could just sit in silence together for hours and never be bored or uncomfortable. They just enjoyed being in each other’s presence. After the moon, Peter is the best at “Remus watch” when he was in pain or moody because they can just sit quietly together and Remus still knows he’s there and cares, even if he never says it like the others. All of the boys dynamics were different, but Remus and Peter had a very pure, raw friendship. They talked about everything, and after The Prank Peter sided with Remus, and tried to sit with him when he could find him. Peter was the first one Remus came out to. It was an accident, a sleep deprived slip of the tongue. Peter never commented on it. Remus didn’t notice when Peter stopped touching him casually because they didn’t do that much anyway. When Peter “died”, Remus was devastated (as he was with J&L, but distinctly separate too). He couldn’t think of a single thing Peter did against the group that would cause Sirius to turn against him. (Sirius had pointed out to him several times that he was a little bit homophobic, but Remus said he was being ridiculous. It wasn’t until post poa that Remus even considered that Peter had a problem with him). When he saw him on the map, he didn’t want to believe it and convinced himself that the map was defective, that something happened to it while it was away from him. He obsessed over fixing it, because he couldn’t bare the thought of Peter’s name still on the map with this generation of kids instead of in peace, but he finally figured out that no, it wasn’t broken. Peter was still alive. He wanted to believe that maybe… maybe Peter just got away, and was hiding from Sirius. But it didn’t add up. Why wouldn’t Peter have come to him? He doesn’t know if he really could have killed him that night in the shack, but part of him really wanted to. He had already grieved, hadn’t he?

~ On Harry:

The day Lily announced she was pregnant, Remus joined the other 4 in celebrating and told James and Lily how much he loved them and how proud he was of them, how they were great friends and would be great parents. James and Lily thought this was sweet, Sirius thought it was suspicious. He went to Remus’s apartment later that night and found him packing. He said he was going to go somewhere else to find work, somewhere to live. Sirius nearly hit him. Apparently, Remus was convinced that his friendship with James and Lily was over because he didn’t think they’d want him around Harry. After he talked him down, Sirius stayed with him for the night and then wrestled him through the floo to James and Lily’s in the morning and just said “tell them”. James nearly cried, and Lily slapped the shit out of him. “ _How DARE you think so little of me that I wouldn’t be friends with you, that I wouldn’t want you around my child!” “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t think I just… I want what’s best for the baby” “What’s best for my baby is having his uncle here!”_

Remus was on missions for most of the pregnancy, but he was there when Harry was born and was around as much as he could. He absolutely adored Harry. He was so scared to hold Harry because he thought he would break him. He liked to talk to Harry and have whole (one sided) conversations with him about Harry’s day, his toys, politics, everything. Harry was always so concentrated it was adorable. They learned that Harry liked Remus to hold him the most because Remus was like a furnace. He was always warm and his sweaters were so soft. Remus wrote him letters his whole life, even while he was at the Dursley’s, he just never sent those. (We know in canon Remus wrote Harry fairly regularly because he was disappointed in ootp when he didn’t have any letters from him). Remus didn’t know where Harry was those 12 years. He learned after some interrogating that he was at his aunt and uncle’s, but Petunia completely dropped any relation to the Evans and he didn’t know her married name. Honestly, if he dug a little harder, he probably could have figured it out, but someone with a white beard said it was better if Harry didn’t know him. At first he protested, but *someone* said something along the lines of “ _He needs to be with his family. And really Remus, do you honestly think you could take care of him? With your situation? No, it’s better this way. He already will be judged enough_ ”. Seeing Harry on the train nearly had him in tears, and once he learned what Harry was hearing with the dementors he did break down and cry for several hours. He had hoped that Harry was too little to remember that. After poa, he wanted to be there for Harry more than he was in canon, but he didn’t want to wedge his way into his life, and thought Harry would be better off if he waited in the shadows. After Remus died, Harry went through his things with Andy and found a box labeled “Harry”. It was filled with over a decade’s worth of letters, pictures, and gifts that Remus never got to give him. There was a letter from right after the attack, all they way to 2 days before he was killed.

~ On Tonks:

I’ve always stood by Tonks and Remus’s relationship. People can fall in love more than once in their life. If the war didn’t happen/ they all survived, then Remadora also might not have happened, but that’s a different story. Remus is the only person that got to call her “Dora” instead of Tonks. Remus didn’t feel like he deserved Tonks. He wasn’t in any serious relationships since Sirius back in the first war, so he didn’t exactly have a good track record. He didn’t want to love Tonks, but he did. He fell for her because she didn’t put up with his bullshit. She didn’t care that he was a werewolf, and didn’t tiptoe around it either. She faced all of their problems head on and with determination. Remus never told her about *why* Sirius was an animagus because he knew that should would try and become one to be with him during the moon, and he didn’t want to put her at risk. She took care of him after every full moon, and knew just how to make him laugh when it felt like the world was against him. She loved pulling pranks on him, like changing her hair and acting like it was always that color to the point that Remus genuinely questioned his sanity. This happened multiple times but he always fell for it. In way she would have been a good Marauder back in the day. She was just the right height for him to tuck her under his chin and just hold her. He was furious when she showed up at the battle. The agreement had always been that one of them was with Teddy at all times, but she couldn’t just stand back and let him fight alone. Tonks was killed first, and Remus held her hand and tried to save her. He was killed while his back was turned, and they were found hand in hand.

~ On Teddy:

When Remus first saw Teddy he burst into tears. Like with Harry, he was scared that he would break him because “ _Dora why is he so small is he supposed to be that small oh Merlin he’s so tiny”_. Babies can’t really see well when they’re first born, but once Teddy was able to focus on Remus, he smiled for the first time, and changed his hair from blue to Remus’s dusty blond. Dora made sure to get a picture, and in it you can see his hair changing back and forth while he and his dad laugh. It’s one of the very few photos Teddy has with one of his parents. Teddy’s first few weeks made Remus nostalgic for his friends, wanting to brag to them and celebrate with them. He hung up pictures of James and Lily and Sirius in Teddy’s bedroom and told him stories about them. “ _You would have loved your aunt Lily, Ted. I don’t think we would be able to get you to change your hair back from red once you saw her._ ” Remus obsessively checked the wards on the house and put special wards around Teddy’s room. Making Harry the godfather was a spur of the moment decision, but Remus never regretted it. Even though Harry was still so young, Remus wanted to be sure that Teddy was with his family. _“And besides, it’s not like Harry will be taking care of him anytime soon, Dora. We’ll be here.”_ Remus’s dying thoughts were of Teddy, and hoping he would be safe.


End file.
